By Sukirti Agrawal
I am writing this letter to remind you how much I care for you. You are a gem and I am here for you. This letter is a gentle reminder for our loneliness. I hope for it to relieve you and make you feel strong; for you to feel free to dance in your favourite dress; and swirl to enjoy the wind about you. This letter is from one law student to another.
I sincerely hope that my words help you as much as they helped me. This message is in seven-eight parts for your convenience:
- About me
What is happening around us? Students across law school talk about stress in intense, heart-breaking ways, looking for how to cope.
ALSO READ: What’s Stressing Out Indian Kids?
This girl — she decides to take it slow and see where life takes her. She decides to move on and live it while she can. She wants to look at people and love them while she can. She decides not to pressurise herself to be ‘the best’ in others’ eyes. She decides to not be a people pleaser.
She will take it slow. She will live her life the way she wants.
- This is for you
I am a part of who you are. I am you. You are my golden person. I want to be there for you. And I’d be lost without you. You might be judging me; you might think I am either bored or I have nobody to love. You might be correct. I may have lost faith in the life around me. And I think that’s what makes me human — a person living the various shades of life. I may get disappointed with people and myself. I live, I write, I am here to help you, and I have been helping myself too.
A few months ago I felt I lost my voice. I was lost in the crowd. I had nowhere to go, with no friends, no family or lover. But I moved onward, step-by-step. For guidance, I wore the hat called, “What would my mother do?” or “What would the star student of my batch do?”
I used these to build my life. It gave me purpose and a reason to move forward, to live another day no matter what. They became the source through which I expressed my feelings. Was that helpful? I do not know that yet, but it made my life easier than before.
- I wish I could be there often
I felt lost at times. I felt like I did not fit in because I could not be myself. These Instagram posts leave a mark, don’t they?
But one thing is certain: we have each other for support… When I close my eyes to remember the moments that made me who I am today, I see shared affection, respect, laughter, and the wholesomeness I feel when I am with my friends. So my friends, I am here to tell you that I am here for you. This statement might sound silly or naïve to you, but I reassure you that I am here.
You are a gem. I will keep repeating this till it becomes a part of you. You have nothing to be afraid of. We are here together. There is one route, which takes us back to where we started. I do not know whether it is the same route that takes us forward. But I am with you wherever you are. Remember this when you might feel neglected, unloved, heart-broken, downtrodden, pessimistic, under the weather or/and under the stars.
- My thoughts and my veins
I feel very tired and sick all the time. I have felt lonely, heart-broken and unloved for eight years of my life. Do you feel lost? Do you feel like you cannot do it anymore? That this is it and that this is definitely the best of all of it? You know what? Maybe you’re right; maybe it all ends over here. Now what? Is there anywhere to be? Is there anywhere to go? Is your head constantly aching? Do you feel like you have lost everything you wanted? I am here and I feel everything that you feel.
- What now?
In my life, at this moment, I am trying to look at everything through a new lens of love. I am looking at everything all over again. I have left what I believed behind me. I am trying to live again by getting reborn. This is my story — what is yours?
Are you hopping the clouds too?
- Answering my question
So, what now? Should I wait for the music to begin? Should I wait to smell the petrichor in the winds? Should I wait for my favourite frozen yogurt? I will wait because they make my stomach full, as well as my heart; it can begin beating again. I can breathe again.
- Let’s grow
For now, friends, I will only do this: my goal in life is to get all the good stuff in my small stomach. I want to be full. You can join the feast. Once we feel full we can fly.
- We are here
You are a gem. Go and turn on your lights, your music, feel the tunes and swim in it. Feel free to move your limbs.
Disclaimer: Views Expressed are Personal. The Health Collective is not a substitute for expert 1:1 advice from a trained mental health professional.
About the author: Sukirti is a 21 year old student, who is passionate about listening. She strives to know the true ‘I’ in herself and others. She is not on social media. Feel free to contact her at sukirti12498[at]gmail[dot]com
Editor’s Note: You can find a list of psychologists and psychiatrists in India that we are building out, here
Feature Image By Adwaita Das for The Health Collective